I am Michael and I am 47 and my addictions started when I left school, not full on addiction, I started small trying cider, cannabis and mushrooms when playing out with my mates. I was an introvert kid and found it hard to express myself and as soon as I found out that I could change the way I felt, which was mostly fear, I was hooked. Whether it was being chased off somebody because I was in a gang, had stolen something or throwing stones at windows, drugs, girlfriends, money - I used them all to alter my feelings. I hated myself, and at the age of 17 I was sent to a young offenders institution and I hated it, it meant that I had to sit with myself more. When I left the YOI I worked on and off but couldn't hold down a job or relationship with anyone really.
When I was 20 I was introduced to heroin and this was what I was looking for, it numbed me totally blocking out my fears and insecurities. It immediately took over my life. I was arrested countless times, prison, rehabs, detox, but I could never stay clean for very long. I was an immature, selfish, inconsiderate, resentful, fearful individual. 10 years ago I was introduced to Narcotics Anonymous whilst in rehab (again!) in Blackpool. I left rehab but it wasn't long before I was using again. It took another 10 years to get back to rehab and N/A.
I now have an understanding of what emotional recovery is and with help and support from so many people I am now in my 2nd year clean which is a milestone for me.
With 4:28 Training trusting me with voluntary work, T12 staff, N/A fellowship I have a feeling called self acceptance, compassion, sense of humour and skills. I like myself today more than I ever have. I have still got work to do on myself, and am far from perfect butI am on an amazing journey of self discovery and knowledge - I feel lucky and grateful - all good for the soul!